I stumbled upon the New Hampshire debates live on the CNN website last night. I couldn’t resist taking notes and sorting the candidates in order of preference. Notice my list has an inverse relationship with probability of winning the nomination. Note also that my opinions are not supported by research.

1. Ron Paul
http://www.ronpaul.com/
“Our national security is not enhanced by our presence [in Afghanistan]”. The only candidate to mention the cost of war and the “military-industrial complex”. Genuine, not schmoozy. I’m just surprised he didn’t explain how gay marriage relates to the Federal Reserve, since everything else does. Maybe next time.

2. Herman Cain
http://www.hermancain.com/
Charismatic, sometimes stumbly. In it “for the children and grandchildren”. When asked why he said he wouldn’t be comfortable with Muslims in his administration, he said he was originally thinking only of the “Muslims who want to kill us”. Not a smooth answer, but likely good enough for Republicans.

3. Newt Gingrich
http://www.newt.org/
Smarter than most and not schmoozy. Wasn’t acting like he had to prove anything. To my surprise, he used the words “humane” and “solution” in reference to immigration and ranted against media and politicians who frame complex questions with simple, polarized options. (Note the awesome domain name).

4. Rick Santorum
http://www.ricksantorum.com/
Bland, ordinary terrorism-means-we-need-military-bases-around-the-world-to-be-safe kind of Republican. After reading about past controversies on Wikipedia this morning, I now wish I’d paid more attention to his response on the gay marriage question, which 5 out of 7 of these candidates believe should be decided by a federal not a state law, though each ranted profusely about the federal government getting involved in absolutely everything else. Still a mystery to me. (Note his website ranks 9th in Google when searching on his name– a very bad sign.)

5. Michele Bachmann
http://www.michelebachmann.com/
Like Palin, but with a brain. Fluent about taxes, economic issues, and in defense of the Tea Party. Stuttery on gay marriage and unconvincing on foreign affairs. Keen competitor for the Most Pro-Life award, which I didn’t know people compiled CVs for. Less so than Pawlenty, but occasionally broke out into biography. Babbly and sometimes nervous-sounding.

6. Mitt Romney
http://www.mittromney.com/
Belligerent, yet with strong undertones of ass-kissing. Long-winded and babbly, yet smoothly schmoozy. Leading the sub-competition for Who Hates Obama The Most.

7. Tim Pawlenty
http://www.timpawlenty.com/
A smug, babbling, fear-mongering, ass-kissing egotist. Used the debate as a platform for biographical monologues. After claiming Palin was “qualified to be President”, I’ve categorized him as both the supreme brown noser as well as clinical idiot. He is pure politician, in the cynical understanding of the term.