Due to the “untenable chaos” in the city’s dog parks, one Montreal city councilor has proposed a bylaw that would require all dogs using dog parks to be trained in both official languages. Implementing the rule would involve unspecified city employees testing each dog’s knowledge of basic commands in both English and French. Councilor ‘Benoit LaDouce’ illustrated the problem with a personal experience:

… about two weeks ago I was in the park with my own dog and a large Anglo dog, he leaped up onto my shoulder and begin to lick and kiss, so I look him in the eye and I said “Ben! Va-t’en bonhomme! Awaille!” which means, roughly translated, “Eh, go out of this place fun guy, go!” and the dog looked back at me total incomprehension. Our alienation from each other was absolute.

M. LaDouce’s vision of the alternative to bilingualism:

to turn each of the city’s dog parks into a renewal of the Plains of Abraham every Saturday morning?

Alleviating some worries, he went on to explain:

A lot of people don’t realize that we’re not saying that the pets all have to speak French. We’re saying that the French dog as well must learn some English commands. You know, if Jacques Parizeau comes to the park with his– he has a beautiful schnauzer named Nelligan, after the great poet of Québec, Emile Nelligan— if he says “Awaille! Nelligan, arrêtes-toi de pisser sur l’affaire!” he has to say as well: “Nelligan, stop to make urine on that thing!” And I think if we make a little bit of room for growth for both two-leg and four-leg citizen, that’s OK by me.

Don’t believe this is real? OK mom, you’re right. Sadly, it’s not true but still worth a listen: Montreal bylaw requires dogs understand commands in both official languages

UPDATE: A second interview in response to “maelstrom” (or maybe “mail storm”) and a phone call from Cesar Milan, host of “The Whispering Dog” is available here: Montreal councilor now wants dog parks to be language-free, dog owners must only use “tones and hand signals”.